Flyers Fans No Read. Flyers Fans Drool. (If You Ask Olbermann).

Well this should be interesting. Since I can’t read, this article will probably suck. Olbermann and his obnoxious name (it doesn’t matter if I spell it right. I can’t read, remember?) are native New Yorkers or as they might say New Yawkers, so his dislike for Philly is expected. So instead of logically dissecting what’s wrong with this. I’m going to fight stereotype with stereotype.

At least I’m not racist. Oh, you didn’t know Rangers fans were racist? Well, take a look at this tweet from the rangers fan base. The Flyers have a black hockey player named Wayne Simmonds. “@KyleManger24: @Simmonds17 go slash a banana instead. Douche” and I’m the classless one” ” “Well that’s just one tweet.” Olbermann needed no supporting evidence whatsoever, so I must be right as well.

So racist Rangers, tonight’s worst persons in the sports world. Oh. And fuck you Olbermann I hope we sweep the dirty Rags in the playoffs.

Why Are We Angry?

So someone was talking with me and pissed me the fuck off.  I played one of my raps for them and they asked me “Why are all rappers angry?” Why are we so angry?! Have you visited a hood? Look at the kids who don’t have meals. Look at the slips on our doors. Look at the guy getting beat by a cop just because.  Yeah, I don’t see any reason for us to be angry.

Rap is our expression. You guys had rock n roll, jazz, and even blues (or whatever you listened to).  To be honest, I haven’t really listened to enough of the music to be able to speak on the anger, but in the 90s I know rock took a darker angrier turn.  Every generation has their own way of expressing themselves.  As the poor get poorer and the hoods get more desperate, our raps are getting to get angrier because it’s our only outlet.

Putin, Those are Your Troops

My physics professor is Russian and thinks Putin won because those troops aren’t his and that exerts his power. He would be great on Fox News.  But let’s ignore the fact that I disagree that Putin won because I’m not really sure what he gains from a land with pretty much no economic value (actually negative value they need to be upgraded). But he is keeping Ukraine away from the E.U and blah blah alliances. Okay, sure whatever. That’s another rant for another day. This wouldn’t work if the troops aren’t his. And it doesn’t make sense that those troops aren’t his, despite what my professor and/or Putin says.

Now perhaps you have better alternatives, but my professor’s best defense was well maybe those 10,000 people just met up and decided to imitate the Russian army. I guess he agrees with Putin who when pressed about how the troops looked, acted and sounded like Russian troops he said that anyone could buy those uniforms at stores. I hope they come in bulk and I hope that it gives them a deal on Russian tanks.

Ignoring the lack of logic there, to assume 10,000 people just magically decided to do this overnight is possible, but astronomically unlikely.  In defending this, he cited many mass gatherings from occupy wall street to various marches in history even to the KKK. However, none of these just happened overnight unless provoked by tragedy. Now one could try (and fail) to make the point that the Ukrainian protests were the tragedy, but this is a democratic place. If the locals want a chance to leave, all they need to is ask and the rest of Ukraine will discuss.

If they say they planned then I laugh (he did and I laughed). Why would they plan to counteract a threat that had yet to come into existence… the logic is M.I.A! Also, all of this ignores the fact that the soldiers on the ground in Crimea ADMIT to being Russian (once translated of course).

So no matter what Putin says, those are his goddamn troops.

Complaints?

Stop typing the word hypocrite. I know I am complaining right now about something pointless. I know that’s exactly what I am going to tell you you should stop doing.  The difference is that I understand these things are pretty much pointless.  You seem to think the whole internet needs to know such trials as a breakup or having a job.  Sorry, but I don’t care. That’s what you have friends for. Tweeting about it won’t help you. Now if you have some real problems, then by all means feel free to tweet.

What is a real problem? Your mom died. You became homeless. You are 7 years old and work in a factory. Things that seriously make your life worse. You could see how having a job or a breakup might not qualify.  So please keep it to yourself so we have less noise distracting us from real problems we need to fix.

The Duke Pornstar: She Has a Better Job Than You

 

Recently, a freshman at Duke university (pretty sure that isn’t her. Oh well) became a polarizing internet story when it was discovered that she was a pornstar.  Today, she decided to voice her opinion. I didn’t read it because I don’t really care.  Nothing personal to her, as I’m sure she’s a lovely lady, but I’m not mad at her. Thus, since this is my ranting blog, I have no need to read. All of you people who have assumed she’s a horrible person, why? Because she fucks people? Because no other college student does that…

But she does it on camera! What happened to our moral values? Which moral values? The “woman belong in the kitchen” moral values? That’s so much more respectful to the ladies! How could I have missed that? No, shut the fuck up.  You have no fucking clue who she is.  You have no fucking clue what she has been through.  I don’t either, but I’m willing to bet she’s a better person than you ignorant motherfuckers.

Why is she being singled out? Do you guys think she’s the only girl in college who has sex and videotapes it? Hell, she probably isn’t even the only pornstar in college using that to pay for her bills. At least she’s getting educated.  Would all you judgmental fucks do us all a favor and do the same? Thanks.

Lauren, if you ever get to read this. I support you. You seem like a smart girl who doesn’t need my pep talk. Don’t let the ignorant people change that.

Valentine’s Day

This should be called “bitch about being single” day.  First of all, I am single. Would I like to have a valentine? Of course I would, just like I would prefer to have a dad on father’s day.  But there are plenty of things you can do to make this a good day instead of bitching and pissing me the fuck off. This is the easiest night to pick up girls at the bar if you’re into that.  You can smell the desperation when you walk in the room.  They want to be with someone that night just as much as you do.  Not that I endorse one night stands, but tonight is the night.

There are sports.  You could read.  You could actually do your job. Or find a job. Or get a promotion. I don’t know your life.  You could draw.  You could write about how much people bitching about being single pisses you off (guess which one I chose).  However, I think the best option is to grab some popcorn and see expectations about Valentine’s Day ruin people’s Valentine’s Day and go “Oh yeah, that’s why I’m single.”  Unless you are like me and find fighting sexy. Why do I find fighting sexy? It is when she is expressing power and most importantly make up sex is fucking fantastic.

Anyways, the point of this is Valentine’s Day is just another day.  If you don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend, then you can just treat it like another day. Hell, even if you have one you can treat it like another day.  Just say hey I don’t like this holiday and explain why you don’t like it. Communication. All holidays are just that: days.  Days made special because someone told you they should be and you chose to listen.  You can opt out of any holiday you find stupid.

Where the Good Guys/Girls

Okay. Some of you guys are dumbasses.  Y’all complain about “all these hoes” when you called these women on your cell phone and said “We should hang out.” That makes sense.  You meet a good girl but go back to the other girls when she doesn’t give it to you in 0.5 seconds.  Ignoring the fact that girls are more than sex toys (I’ll get to that later), even toys require you to open the package, read the instructions, sometimes even assemble things.  I know you guys think you’re the hottest thing on the planet because of some chain or money or whatever, but just because she doesn’t give it up doesn’t mean she’s not interested.

Some girls like to do this crazy thing called “talking”.  You’ve done it before.  It’s when you exchange words with other human beings, taking time to listen to their responses.  This “talking” forms something called a “conversation”.  Now you might not be familiar with this.  This is where words that are exchanged, or “talking”,   center around at least one topic for an extended period of time.  This topic could be about something that happened during your day, a philosophy (Google it), or something you saw on TV.  I should be a communications professor.

Now that we understand that, we can move on to the “women aren’t your sex slaves” part of the discussion. You know these weird “feelings” things you have and how you react when they are hurt? It sounds corny and you can pretend they don’t ever get hurt, but either way you have them. Women aren’t immune to those.  In fact, they are more expressive of their feelings. They aren’t crying when the guys doesn’t call for fun.  They aren’t angrily telling you a story because they think we find it fun (although they wished we enjoyed it).  They’re not objects, they’re human beings.  Treat them like such.

Finally, just because they don’t give it up in 0.5 seconds doesn’t mean they ain’t interested.  They are trying to make sure when they do give it up, it’s to a man, not you.  What are you, you ask?  A boy. A small boy who is afraid of the challenge.  Did that hurt your pride? Good. Remember that next time you meet a quality girl.  No disrespect to those you call “hoes”, but they’re selling them short.  They deserve respect they just don’t demand it like they should for their own reasons.

Speaking of the women, don’t allow this to happen.  It’s the easy way out and it screws us good guys over.  We try to be all caring and affectionate and y’all be rocking them one night stands then tweeting “Why ain’t there no good guys left?” Bitch we’re right here! Stop dissing and friend-zoning the fuck out of us. Y’all ain’t exempt from the effort portion of this shit.  If you a hoe, you have forfeited your right to claim a lack of good guys.  Bitch, you ain’t paying us no attention.

The Super Bowl

Well, that was a waste of time.  In one of the least competitive Super Bowls ever, the Seahawks blasted the Broncos 43-8. That’s the reason a viewer should complain.  However, this morning my social media was filled with complaints about advertisements. What? I never understood this.  You’re shouldn’t like advertisements, since their sole purpose is to take your money for whatever stupid  product they’re trying to sell.  Worse yet, these commercials often do it with things that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the product.

Let’s talk about Budweiser, since they are notorious for doing just that. What are the first things that pop into your head when you think about Budweiser? I’ll bet there are Clyesdales involved. Maybe some puppies and frogs if you’re really into it.  Now, go ahead and explain what on God’s green earth that has to do with beer.  Nothing? What a surprise.  But Budweiser doesn’t care because people will say that’s a cute commercial and then will be subconsciously predisposed to purchase Budweiser.  Hell, the fact that I said the product name so many times is advertising, so I’ll be waiting for my check.

I still don’t understand why it’s just during the Super Bowl we like commercials.  That’s very selective.  The other 355.875 days of the year, commercials are obnoxious (Fun with math assuming the Super Bowl is 3 hours, that makes it 3/24=1/8 or .125 days, thus 365-.125=355.875), yet for this game they are suddenly the highlight.  Seriously, there are people who watch the commercials and consider the game the interruption.  If that’s the case, just Youtube them the next day. There, problem solved, no interruptions.  Have fun subconsciously wasting your money.

Sportscenter: Sports or Talk Show?

So this is a disheartening rant to give.  It is almost an eulogy to the Sportscenter I enjoyed.  Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but my goodness does Sportscenter play favorites.  Their most recent victim is Richard Sherman who has been mercilessly vilified for being excited about winning.  He also had to deal with an endless deal of racism which is maddening to me.  They have milked this thing that shouldn’t even be a story for over a week because, let’s be honest, unless there’s a major injury in practice you run out of things to talk about when you focus on one game for two weeks.  It’s absolutely brutal.

So let’s give another example.  I come home from a long day of classes and jobs or wake up before all of that and think “Hm, I wonder who won this game”. So, I turn on Sportscenter thinking that I will actually get highlights.  I get maybe one or two if I’m lucky jammed between Lebron, Tebow, Hernandez, Sherman, and countless other things that make me think talk show.  Maybe they need to separate these things.  Make one show for all their pointless talking that bores me because I like to draw my own conclusions.  Then Sportscenter can be highlights of actual games with some guy yelling “Bartender!” and Stuart pretending his eye isn’t fake.  That’s the Sportscenter I grew up on.

The Always Controversial Philadelphia Fans

Everyone who watches sports seems to have very intense feelings for Philadelphia fans in all sports.  It is rare to find a sports fan who lacks either a very extreme hatred or a very passionate love for these teams.  I am not really sure why we get so much attention and don’t really observe this happening to any other teams.

A classic example is the Eagles (NFL football team for the city).  Everytime they come up, I always have to hear about snowballs and Santa Claus as though it happened yesterday instead of 45 years ago.  Say what you will about us, but in any sport our games are usually sold out or close to sold out regardless of our place in the rankings.  I think such loyalty attracts attention. After all, the only notable loyalty similar to this may only be the Raiders and their black hole fan section.

Anyways, it’s not just football. In hockey, the Flyers are referred to as the Broad St. Bullies, something I take as a compliment but is meant to be insulting (it’s a complex way of saying we’re classless).  Perhaps it is fitting for the tough blue collar city to have such players.  You call it dirty, I call it tough. This rough philosophy seems to resonate with the city. After all, who hasn’t endured some old fashioned fighting with their brother (brotherly love).

Obviously such passion leads to extremes such as unnecessary violence on other fans.  But don’t even TRY to make us sound like the only city who has that issue. It happens everywhere. Seriously go open a new tab right now and search “sports related deaths” on Google (or Bing if you’re a dumbass). Scroll past the Eagles and rugby (that’s a joke… I think) results and you will see plenty of other cities with this problem.   However, our special attention magnifies this and gives the haters more reasons, isolated as they may be, to hate.

Still don’t believe me? Take last Saturday (01-04-2013) for example. After the Eagles’ playoff loss I was mocked by Cowboys (not in the playoffs), Packers (also lost in the first round), Browns (okay seriously what the fuck worry about your draft pick and coach search), and Ravens (not in the playoffs) fans amongst others. For some reason, us losing made their teams better.  That doesn’t make sense.

Ah well, perhaps hockey will be more sensible. Take the Flyers who missed out on the playoffs last year.  Every fan base in the NHL attacked as though it wasn’t only the second time it’s happened in 18 years (not counting this season it’s not over yet) and somehow improved their teams. Still doesn’t make sense.

In baseball- well baseball isn’t quite as spiteful as hockey and football and, to be honest, I’m not big on baseball, basketball or soccer.  I still keep track of our teams, but I admittedly know only the basics of these sports and am not as passionate about these.  This doesn’t stop me from going to some games, as Philly sports are a great environment when you are part of the fan base. If not, then I wouldn’t want to be you. The only redeeming nature of baseball is the Phanatic (our mascot) is the absolute best.

So why do you hate us? Well, you can comment if you disagree with my assessment or want to play story-time with situations when this hatred occurred to us, but I think it’s two very basic reasons: they’re jealous and don’t understand.  Be honest, if you’re from another fan base and your team is towards the bottom of the rankings, are you going to make an effort to go to the games or watch them on TV or will just read the paper and find out tomorrow? Most honest non-Philly fans would choose the latter which is why they simply don’t get it.  They can’t imagine putting so much effort into supporting their losing team.  They may not completely abandon the team, but they will distance themselves.  But they are jealous that we (real fans, which are plentiful) can somehow do this.

We may not be saying nice things, but we never leave.