Posts Tagged ‘Google’

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You may have noticed #CancelColbert floating around Twitter. This was caused by Comedy Central tweeting

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And Twitter was furious. It should be pointed out that this was taken completely out of context.  Anyone who has seen the Colbert Report knows how highly satirical it is.  This was a a parody of Dan Snider’s Redskins Original Americans Foundation, and was poiking fun at the fact that he put the racial slur right in the goddamn title. Comedy Central deleted the tweet which, as you know, meant that absolutely everyone saw it.

Then things really got out of hand. Since this all started after his last show of the week, he had no chance to defend himself all weekend and the news got a hold of it. The New York Times. USA Today. CNN. Fox News. Everybody took their shots.

Now, for sake of argument, let’s pretend this wasn’t taken out of context. Stephen Colbert is a filthy redneck with a French sounding names who hates every yellow person alive (and pretend he tweeted it and Comedy Central didn’t). People are pissed. But hold on, I remember discrimination other places too.  A certain Fox News anchor once said the wife of the Boston Bomber should be in jail for wearing muslim attire.  #CancelFoxNews!! CNN said the N word multiple times (when put in context they were just reading texts or facebook posts about the story). #CancelCNN!!! But those hashtags never happenned.

Colbert did respond to these tweets last night to hear that you can go to Hulu, his website, or Google.

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Everyone who watches sports seems to have very intense feelings for Philadelphia fans in all sports.  It is rare to find a sports fan who lacks either a very extreme hatred or a very passionate love for these teams.  I am not really sure why we get so much attention and don’t really observe this happening to any other teams.

A classic example is the Eagles (NFL football team for the city).  Everytime they come up, I always have to hear about snowballs and Santa Claus as though it happened yesterday instead of 45 years ago.  Say what you will about us, but in any sport our games are usually sold out or close to sold out regardless of our place in the rankings.  I think such loyalty attracts attention. After all, the only notable loyalty similar to this may only be the Raiders and their black hole fan section.

Anyways, it’s not just football. In hockey, the Flyers are referred to as the Broad St. Bullies, something I take as a compliment but is meant to be insulting (it’s a complex way of saying we’re classless).  Perhaps it is fitting for the tough blue collar city to have such players.  You call it dirty, I call it tough. This rough philosophy seems to resonate with the city. After all, who hasn’t endured some old fashioned fighting with their brother (brotherly love).

Obviously such passion leads to extremes such as unnecessary violence on other fans.  But don’t even TRY to make us sound like the only city who has that issue. It happens everywhere. Seriously go open a new tab right now and search “sports related deaths” on Google (or Bing if you’re a dumbass). Scroll past the Eagles and rugby (that’s a joke… I think) results and you will see plenty of other cities with this problem.   However, our special attention magnifies this and gives the haters more reasons, isolated as they may be, to hate.

Still don’t believe me? Take last Saturday (01-04-2013) for example. After the Eagles’ playoff loss I was mocked by Cowboys (not in the playoffs), Packers (also lost in the first round), Browns (okay seriously what the fuck worry about your draft pick and coach search), and Ravens (not in the playoffs) fans amongst others. For some reason, us losing made their teams better.  That doesn’t make sense.

Ah well, perhaps hockey will be more sensible. Take the Flyers who missed out on the playoffs last year.  Every fan base in the NHL attacked as though it wasn’t only the second time it’s happened in 18 years (not counting this season it’s not over yet) and somehow improved their teams. Still doesn’t make sense.

In baseball- well baseball isn’t quite as spiteful as hockey and football and, to be honest, I’m not big on baseball, basketball or soccer.  I still keep track of our teams, but I admittedly know only the basics of these sports and am not as passionate about these.  This doesn’t stop me from going to some games, as Philly sports are a great environment when you are part of the fan base. If not, then I wouldn’t want to be you. The only redeeming nature of baseball is the Phanatic (our mascot) is the absolute best.

So why do you hate us? Well, you can comment if you disagree with my assessment or want to play story-time with situations when this hatred occurred to us, but I think it’s two very basic reasons: they’re jealous and don’t understand.  Be honest, if you’re from another fan base and your team is towards the bottom of the rankings, are you going to make an effort to go to the games or watch them on TV or will just read the paper and find out tomorrow? Most honest non-Philly fans would choose the latter which is why they simply don’t get it.  They can’t imagine putting so much effort into supporting their losing team.  They may not completely abandon the team, but they will distance themselves.  But they are jealous that we (real fans, which are plentiful) can somehow do this.

We may not be saying nice things, but we never leave.

Why does this exist? For those who don’t know what this is, it is a trend in which people with no real problems in life pretend to have problems.  An example of this is saying something like “I was given too many bottles of champagne for my engagement and now the fridge is full.” or “It’s nap time and my housekeeper is not done cleaning. How will I sleep?”.   Google doesn’t really know when it started but says it’s either a Tumblr blog or a Youtube video.  It was started as a joke. A bad joke, but a joke nonetheless.  Somewhere along the line, dumbasses started going “my first world problems are problems wahhhhh” and then asked their mother to change their diaper.  Seriously? Do you realize what’s happening in the world while you are bitching about “My $300 jacket is too tight” or some stupid shit like that? Let’s travel around the world, shall we? We’ll start in that really scary (well scary to idiots like you anyways) hood that you live as far away from as possible.  Three year olds are crying because they have no food and their parents are spending their food stamps on shoes because society is fucked up the ass.  Going overseas, we have the kids in Africa avoiding AIDS and trying to find water without animal shit in it.  Moving along, we reach the Middle East where people are terrified to go outside because there’s a war going on.  In India, we have wonderful acid-tossing raping assholes who were only just recently determined to be breaking a fucking law (which is a whole new rant for another day).  Finally we reach China where some eight year old is choosing to report his factory injury or hide it and work faster so he can still meet his quota for that day. Still think you have problems?